History 406

Beyond writing that is grammatically correct, writing that is elegant is also important. Here are some generally accepted tips on achieving elegance in writing:

1. Avoid slang.

Slang is common, everyday speech. But good writers usually have a written vocabulary that is much richer than a typical spoken vocabulary. Replacing slang words with a variety of alternatives can make your writing elegant.

Examples:

kids --> children, offspring, progeny, sons and daughters

stuff --> belongings, possessions, articles of clothing or food, information

A thesaurus can be a great help in locating alternative terms, but remember to check the definition of words whose meaning you are uncertain of, to be sure that you are using these words correctly. For example, you may think that "convince" and "persuade" are synonyms, but they are used somewhat differently: you convince someone of something, usually an idea, and you persuade someone to do something, usually an action.

One common slang usage generally accepted when speaking but generally unaccepted when writing in history is the use of first and second person (I or we are first person pronouns, you is the second person pronoun).

When writing, it is best to omit references to yourself unless absolutely necessary. When stating your opinion or a speculation, it is usually clear to the reader that it is opinion or speculation and not fact.

Example:

The modern history of the world would have been very different, I believe, if western Europeans in the later Middle Ages had not spent so much energy developing military technology.

The modern history of the world would have been very different if western Europeans in the later Middle Ages had not spent so much energy developing military technology.

Likewise, the use of "you" to mean "anyone" is also slang and should be avoided for elegant writing. There are a few possibilities for replacing "you" in writing. One possibility is to use "one" (meaning roughly "anyone" -- if doing so, remember also to replace "your" with "one's"). Another possibility is to replace "you" with "anyone" or "everyone" or "someone" (check to make sure that your sentence still makes sense). A third possibility is to rephrase the sentence to avoid having to use "you" or "one" or "anyone" at all.

Example:

Given the state of medical knowledge, the possibility that you could survive after catching the bubonic plague in the fourteenth century was not great.

Given the state of medical knowledge, the possibility that one could survive after catching the bubonic plague in the fourteenth century was not great.

Given the state of medical knowledge, the possibility that someone could survive after catching the bubonic plague in the fourteenth century was not great.

Given the state of medical knowledge, the possibility of survival after catching the bubonic plague in the fourteenth century was not great.

The same might be said of the use of "we." It is usually best to find out who the collective group being referred to as "we" is, and then replace the pronoun with a more specific reference.

Example:

We tend to think of the Middle Ages as a superstitious era.

Individuals living in the modern world tend to think of the Middle Ages as a superstitious era.

Individuals who do not share the deep religiosity of those who lived in the Middle Ages tend to think of it as a superstitious era.

2. Be careful to avoid spelling and other errors.

It is easy to let spelling and other errors fall into your writing, but important to catch them before you hand in your essays. Spell Check and Grammar Check functions help, and you should use them, but remember that the computer is not going to catch everything. For example, Spell Check won't be able to tell you that "form" should be "from" since they are both words spelled correctly, even though you might have typed in the one instead of the other. In addition, there are lots of errors that happen because of the ease with which you can cut-and-paste sentences or phrases or delete and rewrite them. My recommendation is to print out a next-to-final draft on scrap paper, and read through it twice by hand, looking once specifically for grammatical errors and a second time specifically for spelling errors. If you like, you can keep your essay file open on the computer, and make the changes as you see them on the printed copy. Alternately, since it is sometimes difficult to see with an observant eye what we ourselves have spent a lot of time writing, you could ask a friend or relative, someone whose writing style you admire but who is not in the same class, to read through and edit your essays.

3. Avoid words without real meaning and words that are used only for emphasis and redundant words or phrases.

Mostly meaningless words to avoid:

basically
actually
really

In speaking, we use words like this all of the time, because it alerts our listeners to pay attention to the word immediately following, and so is a form of verbal emphasis. But in writing, use these words in their precise meaning. "Basically" means "at its basis," "actually" means "in the act," as opposed to "potentially," and "really" means "in reality" as opposed to "imaginary" or "unreal."

If you want to add emphasis in writing, use words such as:

indeed
in fact
truly

Redundant words or phrases to avoid:

time period
join together

4. Avoid repetition. But when in doubt, clarify by rephrasing.

Even the best of writers occasionally have to communicate fairly complicated ideas. If you are unsure whether your idea has been effectively communicated, often the best device is to find a way of rephrasing it. If you can rephrase it within the same sentence, use "that is" before rephrasing. If you feel you need to add another sentence in order to rephrase it, begin the new sentence with "In other words". In both cases, separate "that is" or "In other words" from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Example:

The Crusades provided more advantages than disadvantages for western Europeans, that is, since the ideas, goods, and technologies they came into contact with outweighed the deaths of men in battle.

The Crusades provided more advantages than disadvantages for western Europeans. In other words, the benefits of new ideas, goods, and technologies that western Europeans received outweighed the deaths of men in battle.

But this is not to recommend repetition. The same phrases and words should not be repeated too often, unless they are the key words of your thesis statement, which you should repeat in the topic sentences to each of your paragraphs. If you find yourself repeating the same ideas or sentences again and again in your essay, it probably means that you need to do more research or more reflection on your topic before writing anything more.

5. Simplify your sentences.

Simplicity is the heart of effective communication, and effective communication is the heart of good writing. This is not to say that all of your sentences should be short ones, but here are some types for simplifying sentences and still writing in an elegant way.

* Vary short and long sentences

* Avoid run-on sentences, that is, sentences that try to convey more than one main idea or point, especially if they are ideas or points that take more than a few words to convey

Run-on sentence: The caliphs of Spain, who had ruled from their capital at Cordoba since the eighth century, ran out of heirs in 1033 and it was this collapse of the dynasty that began what historians call the Reconquista, when Spanish Christians from the north attempted to reconquer Muslim Spain, which they finally managed to finish in 1492, under the leadership of Isabella and Ferdinand, who had united through their marriage their respective kingdoms of Aragon and Castile.

* A general rule of thumb: if a sentence can be split up into two or more, it is usually best to do so

* If at all possible to replace a noun and verb phrase with a verb standing by itself, or even a simpler phrase, do so

Examples:

show respect for --> respect

give assistance to --> help

provide information to --> inform

If at all possible, find more sophisticated verbs to replace verb + preposition combinations (since the verbs used in verb + preposition combinations tend to be overused verbs like "take" and "get").

Examples:

take over --> replace, usurp
take off --> leave
take out --> remove
take in --> accept

get out --> exit, leave
get over --> forget
get off --> dismount, disembark
get through --> finish

Counter-example:

Note: while it may seem desirable to use "disrespect" as a verb, it is slang, and should be replaced with "show disrespect for"

This simplification is especially important in order to avoid double prepositions, which are often confusing to a reader.

Example:

look up to --> admire

give in to --> succumb, surrender

refer to as --> call, label, name

This simplication is also especially important if the verb and preposition have more than one possible meaning.

get out of --> understand (what I get out of a reading), extricate (to get out of an awkward situation)

6. Avoid the floating "this."

The term "this" is often used to refer to something mentioned in the preceding sentence. But it is often difficult for the reader to know exactly what is being referred to. It is often best to add a noun, often one borrowed from the preceding sentence, to let your reader know exactly what "this" is referring to.

Example:

In 1204, Pope Innocent III lent his support to the Fourth Crusade, whose participants eventually sacked the Christian city of Constantinople. This marked the beginning of an unfortunate new era in east-west Christian relations.

In 1204, Pope Innocent III lent his support to the Fourth Crusade, whose participants eventually sacked the Christian city of Constantinople. This Crusade marked the beginning of an unfortunate new era in east-west Christian relations.

In 1204, Pope Innocent III lent his support to the Fourth Crusade, whose participants eventually sacked the Christian city of Constantinople. This man's career marked the beginning of an unfortunate new era in east-west Christian relations.

When you are referring to most of the previous sentence by using the word "this," you can clarify that, too, by referring to "this process," or "this trend," or "this information," or some other clarifying noun or phrase, even if it is not one used in the previous sentence.

Example:

In 1204, Pope Innocent III lent his support to the Fourth Crusade, whose participants eventually sacked the Christian city of Constantinople. This decision marked the beginning of an unfortunate new era in east-west Christian relations.

The same applies to use of the floating "these."

7. Rephrase to replace common verbs and phrases with more specific and unusual ones.

There are many verbs whose meanings are so general that they can be used in a variety of situations. These verbs include: get, have, take, and especially, be. If possible, find an alternative verb or phrasing that is more precise to your meaning and that avoids these commonly used terms. Sometimes, rephrasing can turn a boring or commonplace sentence into a powerful and elegant one.

Examples:

Pope Innocent III had the most influence in the later Middle Ages.

Pope Innocent III influenced the whole of the later Middle Ages.

Richard I, known as The Lion Heart, was king of England for only a decade.

Richard I, known as The Lion Heart, ruled England for only a decade.

8. Avoid the passive voice.

The passive voice takes the subject of a verb (the one doing the action) and either omits it or turns it into a preposition phrase that follows the verb.

Examples:

Active voice: The dog bit the postal carrier.

Passive voice (subject omitted): The postal carrier was bitten.

Passive voice (with subject as prepositional phrase): The postal carrier was bitten by the dog.

Notice that both instances of the passive voice use the verb "to be" (here, "was") followed by a past participle (here, "bitten"), and that is how you can recognize the passive voice. You can see the awkwardness in both uses of the passive voice: the first example is unclear (Who bit the postal carrier?) and the second example is a much longer and more complicated sentence than it needs to be. With more sophisticated ideas, this awkwardness is only magnified, so you should be sure to check to make sure that you have included the subject of the verb and placed it before the verb.

Example:

Passive voice: Medieval women were expected to marry young and remain faithful to their husbands.

Here the subject of "expect" is omitted--who expected medieval women to do these things? Their fathers? Their husbands? Their mothers, too? Clergymen? (You see how avoiding the passive voice sometimes requires you to think more carefullly about your statements.)

Corrected Example:

Most medieval persons, men and women alike and laypersons and clergy alike, expected women to marry young and remain faithful to their husbands.